Winning Short Story

I figured I may as well post the short story I wrote for my english class. Given as it got a 100% mark even though I should have gotten a max. grade of 95% I thought it’d be a good idea to share it with you guys. Though it’s pretty intense and v confusing. So easily confused people please stand aside. (:

Hey, it’s a fair warning.

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And I don’t know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should.

The words, the lyrics, they swirled in Skye’s head as they came and went. She had put the song on repeat, and Lord only knows how many times he had listened to it. The night was well on its way, she doubted she would be able to estimate the time. She tossed and turned in her bed, unable to find solace in the words that fitted her current turmoil so well. It had been a few days since Skye had been able to get a decent night’s sleep. Recent events had, to put it lightly, upset her.

She will love you more than I could.

For the past four or five days—she lost count because of the sleepless nights—Skye’d bee thrown in some kind of stupor. She was unable to take her thoughts of him, off the man of her affection, the one person she knew she would never stop loving. Skye knew, she felt it, that whoever she would marry would never be loved just as much as he would always be. She somewhat resented herself for allowing herself to get so attached; she knew better, right? After everything that had happened, she should have known better than to fall madly in love with a man that couldn’t even love anyone back. But she had been an idiot—oh how big of an idiot—and let herself fall into the gaping hole she was now in. Skye had fallen for a trap he had never intended to lay, and now she forced him to watch as she slowly went from worse to train wreck-worthy.

She let out a bark of laughter. Oh, yes, she’d completely turned the tables on this one without even planning to. He’d always blamed himself for hurting her, and Skye had never denied it. She was in such excruciating pain that even she had to admit that her recent respiratory problems weren’t a mere coincidence. She couldn’t breathe anymore. How could she? He’d made off with her lungs, left the heart behind to beat ever so painfully with each passing… second? Minute? Hour?

Skye cast a fleeting glance at the alarm clock to her right. Only two minutes had passed since she had last checked up on it. And it felt like such a longer time. She knew beforehand that it was going to be a long night but honest to God she never thought it was going to be torture!

So she decided to close her eyes, still listening to her song, their song, and tried imagining a few things. Like his appearance at her doorstep, just smiling and waiting to talk the night away. Or maybe just stepping in front of her, right under her nose, while she soaked up the rain on her back porch’s stairs. Just extending his hand to her and looking like a… well like a dog stuck in the rain, looking exactly like her. But with considerably shorter hair.

She mused over the details. How the lilac tree would looks like, how it would rain harder when she stood underneath its branches and shook them. How the rain would feel against her skin, how could she would get and how carefree she would be. Skye could help but imagine his face, his body, that black shirt she thought fit him so well, the embroidery on it, how it would all look under the pouring rain, the deafening sound of its patter, just barely buried under his voice…

Skye opened her eyes, finding that there were more tears in them than she had originally thought. She berated herself. Why the hell was she crying so much? It wasn’t like she didn’t know he didn’t love her. That had been settled over a year ago. So then why, for Christ’s sake, was she bawling like a silly little kid?

Because he told you he couldn’t love anyone. Anyone including you, and everyone else who happens to be of the female gender.

Didn’t that include the entirety of Earth’s population? But, for some odd reason, that girl wasn’t a part of ‘anyone’. She was the sole little exception among exceptions. When had Skye become so… mundane? When had she suddenly been sorted into the ‘normal’ section? When had everything in her universe shifted to a point where she couldn’t even recognize herself? Oh, because, on top of all the emotional wreck she had been shoved in, Sky couldn’t even recognize her own face when she looked at it in the mirror. She kept wondering when she had changed and when she had become this… freak of nature. This person striving, craving for marginality.

Sky turned around again. She couldn’t stand looking at that stupid alarm clock again. Over and over, she whispered to herself that it couldn’t be true. It was weird, wasn’t it? That all of a sudden, poof! He can love. That all of a sudden, she’s so… overrated and unneeded. Skye debated on this fact for a while. She felt like a dead weight. She was so convinced that she was able to help him, so resigned to be the girl in the dark that would always support and nourish his esteem, his heart, mind, soul—whatever you want to call him. She wanted to be a part of who he would become, the him he always said he wanted to be.

And there she was.

Completely and utterly useless.

It was probably impossible to put decent words on how she felt, though Skye had attempted to put it into words for him several times. She had gone with ‘useless’, the word being the closest thing to being able to describe her sentiments. In fact, she felt betrayed, in some odd way. Betrayed, cast aside and devoid of any use whatsoever. After a moment, she decided that was the best combination to describe her current position. Skye was content, though, being as she wasn’t alone. She wasn’t the only one who felt grossly out of place.

After another few moments of inner debate, Skye felt that ‘content’ was a disgusting word. She shouldn’t feel happy that someone else feels approximately the same way she did. Hell, she wouldn’t wish for anyone else to feel that—this—way, ever. She was, in her eyes, in her mind, the only one deserving of such a punishment.

This is what I get for being stupid and not letting go. This is what I get for hoping for stupid, hopeless things.

Even though it had been settled and she had found closure, Skye couldn’t help but keep that nearly invisible spark of hope. That stupid little thing kept nudging at her, and the things he said(like, I love you, I adore you, you’re adorable, etc.) didn’t help her to kill off that spark.

And she had tried to kill it so. Many. Times.

She turned a bit to lay on her back, her knees still facing her wall. Her body was twisted at an odd angle. Of course, that odd angle had to be the most comfortable one she’d found. Skye, once more, let out a bark of laughter. How ironic; Freud would be happy to analyze it all. Obviously, she would only ever find comfort in something completely obscene and absurd. Of course, she could only ever feel content, and maybe even remotely whole, when she was a total emotional wreck.

Am I really that much of a masochist?

She didn’t even wait for the subconscious answer she knew would be hitting her like a race car. She already knew the answer. If anything, her wrists were enough to prove she was in love with pain. But this brand of pain was something completely different. Skye’d no idea how, in the name of all things good and bad, this could ever make her feel whole. Being torn asunder was not supposed to be something good or comforting, much less something to seek solace in. Maybe she clung to the pain just because it gave her a reason to cling to him.

As much as she hated to admit it, maybe that was it.

And then the race car came crashing in her face, crushing her bones, destroying every inch of her as it just drove through like she was butter. Everything started to throb at once. Her head, her abdomen, her shoulder—specifically the right one—her legs, her chest… Her chest, more than anything. Skye could feel her heart racing frantically, unable to keep up with all the soul-shattering realizations it was facing.

She became to hyperventilate. Her sobs were barely audible, her breathing too harsh for any other sound to come out of her mouth. Her tears had stopped, though; how strange, she though. For the first time, she noticed that she’d rolled up in a ball, clutching her chest.

I’m trying to hold myself together. Was the amazingly numb conclusion she pulled. Skye was falling to pieces, right there, and she could hear herself scream, and knew that no one else could. She jerked her head to the right to take another look at the time. Three hours had passed. For some obscure reason, she couldn’t help but sit up in her bed and twist around to stare out the half-covered window behind her. It was pitch black outside, save for the few street lights that were still somewhat functional. And for an even crazier reason, she couldn’t help but throw herself and the fingerprinted window.

“Please,” she whispered at nothing at all. “tell me I’m not dreaming.”

Pain like this shouldn’t be allowed in dreams.

She let out a choked sob and let herself fall back onto her bed. It was odd how, out of nowhere, fatigue and weariness hit her like a truck. It felt as though she hadn’t slept in centuries. Or like she was waking up and wanted to keep sleeping forever.

The buzzing alarm came as a shock, and Skye would have most likely screamed had she been more alert. Slamming her hand on the snooze button, she allowed herself a few minutes to recollect her mind, which had been scattered all over the place with her recent experiences. She took a peek at the time, and had to do a double take to make sure she’d read it right. It was only midnight. The strangest thing was that she was sure she’d set her alarm for five.

She turned around to stare at the window and frowned. Like that, she couldn’t really see if she’d really pressed herself against the window. She got up, not able to help the impulse, and sat at her computer, anxious to turn on the screen.

It was just as she’d left it, several hours before.

No confession, no heart-breaking news, but just one little instant message.

“I have something important to tell you. Answer when you can. ”

And her heart shattered all over again.